Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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