mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
