Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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