I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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