Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
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I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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