This is not my ceiling
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
