Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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