I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
