I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
