So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
