I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
