Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
