you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
