Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
