just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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