Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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