I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
