I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
