You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
