i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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