Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
