you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
