Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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