oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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