Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
