everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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