fuck your aforementioned shoe
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
