I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
