It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
