Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
