you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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