My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There are leaves in my underwear?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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