Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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