He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
