Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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