franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
