New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
