I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
