this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
