Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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