Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
