when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
