i wish my penis had a tongue
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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