so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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