i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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