so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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