my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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