Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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