Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
