hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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