It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
