She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
