I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
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so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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