U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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