please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
