Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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