Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just want to make out with him forever
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
