He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
