Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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