There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i think i just lost a toe
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
