Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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