I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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