gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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