Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
