yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
