You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
