hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
