im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
