Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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