Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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