Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
