i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
