she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So squirting runs in the family.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
