Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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