Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
