My room smells like vodka and shame
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
