So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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