I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
