I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
