he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
