did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
