She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
