I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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