It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
