This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
