I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
