Umm I'm too high to move.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
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