I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
