i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
