I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
