I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
where does the pee come out of this thing
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
