Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
